Fall was especially beautiful this year.
I like it better than spring.
And with October comes Mom's birthday.
This year we invited Holden's parents to celebrate.
But just before they arrived we had an unexpected visitor.
Happy birthday!
These are from my biological father, all the way from Paris.
- Look, everybody! - Know what it is? Caviar!
Could you put this on ice, Frieda?
- Are you expecting a Mr Ferry? - I am, yes.
You are?
He just got out of prison. He has no family...
but we can be his friends.
You're letting a criminal in our house?
He's paid his debt to society.
- He has not paid... - Don't start.
Society forgave him his debt, he didn't pay his debt to society.
How'd I get a kid on the other end of the political scale? I failed.
You didn't fail.
If I was you, i'd hide the silverware.
Don't be rude. He's coming for just a drink.
You guys have everything.
Mr Ferry, hi. I'm Bob Dandridge. This is my wife, Steffi.
Hello, Mr Ferry. Welcome to our home.
I'd like you to meet my daughter, Skylar.
This is Skylar, and her fianc¨¦, Holden.
- I'm the fianc¨¦. - Can I get you something?
Nobody gets behind me.
Right, sure. Can I get you a drink?
Vodka.
Right, well, maybe on the...? Or just...?
Straight up.
Honey, Mr Perr...Ferry. Sorry, he's lived among vicious killers.
- You said it. - No wonder he's skittish.
A lot of times a guy'll come up behind you and swish.
You must get your blade out quick. Stick him or you're dead.
God! Have you stuck a lot of inmates, Mr Ferry?
Enough.
The doorbell.
Excuse me, I need to get in front of you here.
Would you like another?
Hi. Hello. How are you?
Happy birthday, Steffi.
Thank you, Lynn. Thanks for coming.
I have someone I want you to meet, Mr Ferry.
This is my good friend, Lynn.
And Arnold. This is my friend.
Mr Ferry is just out of prison.
Parole came through, but i'd have got out anyway.
- Really? - What do you mean?
Ice the guard. No pictures, sister.
What do you mean?
Ice him, and get out through the air shaft.
Get behind him with a box cutter, rip out his carotid artery.
May I have a glass of white wine?
We have some inside.
You must be careful though.
Guy on Cell Block 4 tried it and didn't have the angles figured.
Got his tit caught in the wringer.
- Take him on the terrace. - I need to sit down.
Yes, the terrace. Big, wide-open spaces.
You sure this guy is rehabilitated?
He was in prison, not a finishing school.
You know my sentiments, but very happy birthday.
A birthday song for Steffi.
Looking at you while troubles are fleeing...
I'm admiring the view...
'Cause it's you that I'm seeing.
And the sweet honeydew of well-being...
settles on me.
What is this light that shines when you enter...
Iike a star in the night?
And what's to prevent her from destroying my sight...
if you centre it all on me?
Looking at you, I'm filled with the essence of...
the quintessence of joy.
Looking at you, I hear poets tellin' of...
Lovely Helen of Troy.
Darling, life seemed so grey...
I've wanted to end it.
Till that marvellous day...
you started to mend it.
And if you'll only stay...
then i'll spend it with you.
Sweetie.
I'm gonna get some drinks. Want anything?
No thanks, but can you get Steffi's present from the car?
Here.
Enjoying the view?
I like any view after years in that stinking rat hole.
Very vividly put. Sweetly honest.
You know what solitary's like?
No, I can't say I do.
I went to NYU. I didn't live in the dorm.
Been a long time since I smelled perfume.
Do I have too much on?
You smell like what I think heaven would smell like.
Well, thank you. Very nice.
When you shook my hand...
I thought my heart would stop.
Oh, that's sweet.
But remember, you've been deprived of female contact.
I used to lie in my cell and dream of someone like you.
I took a Criminology course at college. Very insightful.
You got very sensual lips.
It's a part of me I rarely think of.
Can I smell your hair?
Smell my hair? Okay.
You know what? it'll be gone soon. I'm thinking of cutting it.
Holden might like that.
If you were my girl...
It's a little chilly outside.
I'd make love to you in every room in the house.
On every bed.
On every rug.
On every tabletop.
We also have some lovely Early-American chandeliers.
Let's go for a drive.
I don't think it's such a good idea.
I haven't seen the ocean or been to Harlem or Chinatown in years.
No, it's out of the question.
Okay, but you can't blame me for trying.
No, I think we should go inside before...
Before what?
Before you break your parole.
If I took you in my arms and kissed you, would you dime on me?
Dime?
Turn me in.
Let's not find out.
How was it?
Very interesting.
I've never been kissed by a sociopath before.
I kissed you the best I could. The only practice I had in 10 years...
is with Vincent 'The Thumb' Adatto.
Vincent 'The Thumb' doesn't know what he's missing.
Can I see you again?
You know I'm getting married.
I could show the world how to smile.
I could be glad...
all of the while.
I could change the grey skies to blue.
If i had you.
I could leave the old days behind...
Leave all my pals, i'd never mind.
I could start my life all anew.
If i had you..
I could climb the snow-capped mountains...
sail the mighty ocean wide.
I could cross the burning desert.
If i had you by my side.
I could be a king, uncrowned...
Humble, poor, rich, renowned.
There is nothing I couldn't do.
If i had you.
He's en route to New York now, and he's wonderful.
It's been like...
a chance meeting after all these years with a true soul mate.
He senses my every need. Like he knows what I'm thinking.
It's your fantasy come true.
It is. I still can't believe it.
You know, it's not that he's tall...
or handsome, but he's...
He's magical.
And he feels me in a way no man ever has done before.
He's romantic and sexy and...
I had this dream...
that I was in bed with him...
and he was kissing my earlobes...
and then he started stroking my shoulder blades.
And I nearly had an orgasm.
I had a lot of neat stuff to tell Dad.
He'd really made a big score with Von.
But now i've got to stop for a minute...
because no matter how we humans like to think we control things...
that's not how it works.
Suddenly, with no warning...
Grandpa died.
It was in his sleep, peaceful, with no suffering...
but it made philosophers of us all.
When your number is up, your number is up.
That's why it's important that...
we cherish each moment of our lives.
And not smoke.
Smoke?
Pop smoked for 70 years, you know?
He never exercised. He ate cholesterol and fatty foods.
He died at a healthy, ripe old age.
I haven't had steak for so long. I love steak.
That's disgusting.
I'd kill for some marbleised meat.
Now they say 6 cups of coffee a day...
prevents colon cancer.
Last week it was bad for you.
What's it all about? I mean, what...?
What are we doing? We're rushing!
That's right.
Where are we going?
Into the void.
- The void. - That's it.
- I never believed in God. - Oh, come.
No, I didn't, even as a kid. I remember I used to think...
'Even if He exists, He's done such a terrible job...'
'it's a wonder people don't file a class action suit against Him.'
You shouldn't say that.
We're not here just because of the new physics.
You must believe in something.
The dignity of man.
The flat tax, the right to bear arms and school prayer.
If nobody's out there, who're they praying to?
Don't start arguing in front of Grandpa now.
I can't believe you.
One moment. He wasn't an atheist or a Republican, or a Democrat.
He must've been something.
He was a foot fetishist.
The only group I remember he belonged to.
- That's true. - It drove your mother crazy.
Pop, is that you?
I have one message for you.
You work and work for years and years...
always on the go.
You never take a minute off...
too busy making dough.
Someday, you say, you'll have your fun...
when you're a millionaire. Imagine all the fun you'll have...
in your old rocking chair.
Enjoy yourself...
it's later than you think.
Enjoy yourself...
while you're still in the pink.
The years go by...
as quickly as a wink.
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself...
it's later than you think.
Another birthday's here and gone, you've turned another page.
Suddenly you realise...
that you've reached middle age.
Think of all the fun you've missed, makes you kind of sad...
It's better to have had your wish than to have wished you had.
Enjoy yourself...
it's later than you think.
Enjoy yourself...
while you're still in the pink.
The years go by...
as quickly as a wink.
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself...
it's later than you think.
That was ...
unbelievable.
Just every...
thing you did...
and all the...
things you did.
Absolutely perfect.
Actually, it wasn't perfect.
At one point I stroked when I should have hick eyed...
but you know, I apologise.
I feel limp.
You know, I'd really love you to come to Paris with me.
I'm serious.
Paris?
And then Bora-Bora?
Well, yes. Bora-Bora, but Paris first and then...
we'd work our way down to at least one of the Boras.
We can live in your garret.
Technically, when I say garret...
it is a garret, yet...
And drink wine and eat snails till the dawn comes up.
Snails?
Remember? You said you also loved waking up in the night...
drinking wine and eating snails.
I said it was such a coincidence.
Well, they're molluscs.
I love a good mollusc.
What? The wedding's off?
Exactly. I gave back his ring.
Why?
There's someone else I can't get out of my mind.
But you're in love with Holden.
No. At least, I'm not sure.
And I can't cheat on him while I decide.
Cheat? He's going to be your husband!
In November. I'll show you the receipts from the caterers.
Calm your denial mechanism.
Holden is wonderful, but someone else came into my life.
I must see where it goes. It'd be unfair to Holden if not.
Now we've bought the wedding dress...
tell us who this new Prince Charming is.
You don't know him. Well, you do, but not like I do.
I'm sick.
My oesophagus is in spasms.
Go have a drink of water.
Look what you're doing to your father.
Who has come between you and Holden?
Well, he's bright and charming.
Rough on the outside, but that can change.
Who is it? Will you tell us, or is this like a game show?
You remember Charles Ferry?
Pardon me?
For a minute I thought she said Charles Ferry.
Now my oesophagus is starting to move.
The escaped convict?
Ex-convict. He has a college degree.
This is a psychotic episode.
You need shock treatment, or industrial-strength Prozac.
Mom, you understand.
He's incredibly animalistic.
So we turn him over to the zoo.
And yet, he's a child.
Okay, we'll make it the children's zoo.
He's a criminal!
I'm shocked. You've been singing his praises for months.
As a social symbol, not as a person to be with my child...
How are you going to go out with this man?
You can't get behind him. He won't let you.
You scratch his back, he'll knife you.
Under all that veneer is a very soulful young attorney.
I was hoping you'd find a place for him in your firm.
Sure, as treasurer. With Holden.
Speaking as a woman, Holden can be very animal, too.
Yes, Mom, but it's of the gerbil family.
As your father, I forbid you to see this man Charles Ferry!
You will marry Holden!
As head of this house, I command it! I decree it!
Thou shalt wed thy intended!
Okay, let's get a drink.
You sound tiresomely Biblical.
'Tiresomely BiblicaI'? is this Noel Coward with hockey?
- I won't let her waste her life. - She's a grown woman.
You!
You got him out of jail!
This is my fault now?
Honey, what's wrong?
Jeffrey Vandermost asked Lane out, not me.
My God! How will I face Arnold and Lynn Spence?
Is that all you're thinking about?
We bought a racehorse together. He'll want to cut it in half!
We both liked him, and today...
he asked if we could talk alone so I got all excited.
Then he asked me if I thought Lane would go out with him...
to a dance in Connecticut.
He has a mad crush on her.
These things happen.
Feelings are feeling and sometimes...
I'm through with love.
I'll never fall again.
What are you saying? You're 14! You'll fall again.
Look, guys, I'm sorry.
I thought you'd be happy for me. I hope in time you understand.
I'm through with love. I'll never fall again.
What are you singing about? You're not in love with Holden!
I'm through with love.
I'll never fall again.
said 'adieu' to love...
'Don't ever call again.'
Incidentally, while Skylar was breaking up with Holden...
I broke up with Ken, the one I met at the airport.
Because I met this rap singer.
This guy is just so talented and sexy and...
he just says it all.
I'm through with love and through with all you motherfuckers.
Feeling mad shitty? Burn down the city!
Take it over for the brothers.
Burn it up! Come on! Blow it up!
Your eyes of blue...
your kisses too.
I never knew what they could do.
I can't believe...
that you're in love with me.
I love the country. The air smells so fresh.
Charles...
where did you get the money for everything, and the car?
You know. Loans.
It's a great idea to take a walk here. It's beautiful.
Yeah. What time is it?
Four o'clock.
Oh, good.
Just thought you'd want to walk around and see the fall leaves.
They are stunning.
Amazing what you miss in the joint. No seasons. A grey nothing.
What are your plans? Not to work in the restaurant forever.
You're right. Work all day for a few lousy bucks? I got big plans.
Like pursuing a law career?
What?
A lawyer?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
You hear something?
A bird?
Here they come. Timing's perfect.
I'm running as fast as I can.
Move it!
Gotta get out of here!
I'm going!
Back in action!
- Way to go, Ferry! - Got anything lined up?
Who's she?
She's a friend.
Why'd you shoot? He was emptying the register.
Take it easy! I got nervous!
Just let me out at the corner of Park and 93rd.
Let me out! I want out of this car!
Shut up!
I'll be quiet! Just let me out!
Shut her up, or I shut her up.
Get out!
By October, Von had gotten up the nerve to leave Greg.
She got a ticket on Air France and took the first plane to Paris.
Dad had given up his flat on the Left Bank...
moving into a place he knew would be Von's Parisian fantasy.
He began guitar lessons...
and even exchanged his word processor for an old typewriter.
I'm so happy to see you.
God, look at your place!
This is out of a movie. Or a... This is like my dream.
This is my dream apartment. My dream view, right here.
Back in New York, it was Halloween.
That's my favourite holiday.
All the kids in the building come trick-or- treating and...
they all just look so great.
What a little moonlight can do.
What a little moonlight can do to you!
Chinatown, my Chinatown...
where the lights are low.
In some secluded rendevouz...
I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say...
bananas have to ripen in a certain way.
When they're flecked with brown and have a golden hue...
bananas taste the best and are the best for you.
You can put them in a salad.
You can put them in a pie...yie-yie!
Any way you want to eat them.
It's impossible to beat them!
But bananas like the climate...
of the very tropical equator.
So you should never put...
bananas in the refrigerator.
No, no, no, no!
That was great. Terrific.
Would you like some candy?
What a banana!
I'm so happy to see you!
I wasn't sure. I was worried.
Holden, I'm so sorry.
It doesn't matter.
- I behaved terribly. - It was me, too.
- No, it was me. - I missed you.
Me too.
I brought you some Cracker Jack.
He was so in love with my sister...
that it didn't matter that She'd given him a hard time.
And Mom and Dad were so glad to see them reunited.
He gave her back the ring, but he wanted to be romantic.
So he put it in the CrackerJacks and she swallowed it again.
The rest of fall was normal...
for us.
The only glitch was on Thanksgiving.
Just after dinner...
Scott suddenly collapsed.
Everybody panicked.
There's no cause for alarm.
There was a blockage in the artery, but it's been dissolved.
There's no problem?
No, he's fine. 100% .
Our scan indicated that the condition began some time ago...
so if he's shown any kind of strange or weird behaviour...
It's because his brain wasn't getting enough oxygen.
But as soon as his brain started functioning properly...
Scott resigned from the Conservative Republican Club...
and started espousing left-wing Democratic philosophy.
Dad was overjoyed. Just as proud as can be.
Remember I said New York was most beautiful in fall?
I meant the winter.
At least, when it snows. Because Under a blanket of snow...
New York is truly gorgeous and...
surprisingly peaceful.
But when Christmas comes...
we're not the kind of family that sings carols...
and we don't have a goose or anything.
What we do is head for Paris, to spend Christmas at the Ritz.
Put your finger here.
He has a fever...it's a cold.
Should have put on dry clothes after you fell in the fountain.
I'm okay. Go without me. I'll be all right.
We don't want to go without you. You love the Marx brothers.
I just need some sleep. I'll be fine.
I'm so excited.
I'm meeting this guy named Guy... or this guy named Guy.
I brought you some tea.
It won't keep me awake, will it?
No, it's herbal. It's peppermint.
I'd say hello, but I'm sick and you always catch everything.
- What happened? - What's wrong?
I'm not going tonight.
I knew it!
- Nobody's going? - Von left me.
- What happened?
I have no idea, but she's on her way back to New York.
When she first came, everything was perfect.
She said it was like a dream had come true for her.
And then, suddenly...
this morning...
I want to go back home...
to Greg.
Really?
I don't know what's up with me.
Since when?
I don't know.
Why?
I don't know how to explain it exactly.
Just tell me. You know, just...
It's not that I don't think you're great.
I think you're great.
Just for years i've been married to Greg.
And he can be difficult, and we've had...
our ups and downs...
certainly.
Since when...?
Look, I don't know. It's just...
I've always had this fantasy...
that one day i'd meet the perfect man...
and he'd fulfil my dreams and I would have...
a perfect life.
And that fantasy...
I think, always sort of...
was part of this dissatisfaction I had with Greg...
and my life.
And then you came along...
and you seemed to know every secret thing about me.
Let me put it this way...
I have seen my dream come true...
and my fantasy...
no longer tortures me.
I can deal with it.
But that's so neurotic.
I know.
I'm crazy.
But suppose I said to you that...
none of this was really true, that this is all...
a fa?ade i've been putting on.
That somehow I had access to...
your deepest feelings, needs and thoughts...
and that I've been playing this character just to...
win you over, to get you to like me, make you happy?
If that's what you told me...
then I'd say you were crazy.
So that's exactly why I'm not going tonight.
I plan to go to Napoleon's tomb. To lie down next to him.
- That'll be my Christmas Eve. - That's so sad!
The women you pick!
No, you're going out. Someone's got to take Mom.
You're too sick?
- He looks terrible. - I'm fine if I don't move my eyes.
He has a 101 temperature. You're not going anywhere.
I'm not in a Groucho mood.
It's Christmas Eve, it's Paris. There's a ball...
that you helped organise.
I'll go for a couple hours.
Enjoy yourself.
I must stay here, but there's no reason you don't go.
It's later than you think.
Remember our first Christmas in Paris...
the month before we married?
I do, because that was when...
I knew that someday I would have to live there.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I don't want to panic you, but that was decades ago. Decades.
I know. I know it was decades ago.
Remember that caf¨¦ we used to go to?
Caf¨¦ Ter¨¨se or whatever, with the cats. Remember?
Now i'll tell you the truth.
I hated that cat.
Maybe that's why you were scratching yourself all night.
Was I scratching myself?
- That's what you noticed? - I certainly did.
I hated that cat.
I couldn't stand it...
but now that caf¨¦ is round the corner from my home.
You're joking!
Why would I joke about something like that?
You want to have a drink there?
- Why not? - Because we're drinking here.
Why would I want to go?
We can take our moustaches off.
You're having a nostalgic...?
I'm having a thing. Sue me. I just thought it'd be fun.
We can't...
Come on, we'll take our moustaches off, no problem.
- That I'd like to do. - Me too.
Never thought I'd hear you say, 'Take my moustache off.'
Please.
Wail go.
I feel good. I've had 3 glasses of champagne.
Let's go see this place.
You want to sneak out?
I do. We snuck out before, remember?
Remember that boring party we went to with the Wainwrights?
Yes, I remember, because...
we left through the toilet window.
A guy was singing, 'Climb Every Mountain.'
And you knocked over the punch bowl, if I remember correctly.
Yes, but you let out the shriek that got us caught.
Remember how we made love? Do you remember?
- You dropped your cigar. - I know.
I dropped the cigar and I...
You're so drunk.
I remember us making love.
Remember the candles?
I remember the candles, the hotel, but not you.
Unless you were the one under me.
- Now you're in character. - I don't know where I am.
- I'm lost. - Come on. Let's go.
- Our coats are in the car. - Forget it.
It's a warm night. Come on. Pretend you're young.
I could do for you.
You're better off without her.
How do you know? You never met her.
I know you.
So what does that mean?
A good psychiatrist...
that listened to you...
would think every time I'm with a woman, you get jealous.
Why are you laughing?
I just wish you'd pick someone who'd make you happy.
Like who?
I made you happy.
- I didn't say you didn't. - I made you very happy.
When we weren't at each other's throats.
Does this ring a bell? This is why I took you here.
Does this mean anything?
Is this where we...?
This is it, yes. That's why I dragged you all over town.
My God!
- You remember this? - We stayed up all night here.
I know. I held you in my arms till the light came up.
Remember the song?
- I do. - I still sing that song.
I learned it from you. That was the first time. Remember?
I'm through with love...
I'll never fall again.
Said 'adieu' to love...
'Don't ever call again.'
For I must have you...
or no one.
And so I'm through with love.
I've locked my heart.
I'll keep my feelings there.
I have stocked my heart...
with icy frigidaire.
And I mean to care for no one...
because I'm through with love.
Why did you lead me to think...
you could care?
You didn't need me...
for you had your share...
of friends around you...
to hound you and swear...
with deep emotion...
devotion to you.
Goodbye to spring...
and all it meant to me.
It can never bring...
the things that used to be.
For I must have you...
or no one.
And so I'm through with love.
I wonder what would've happened if we'd stayed together.
That's something we'll never know.
We've managed to produce...
a fabulous daughter.
She is unbelievable.
She's got your looks, fortunately...
and my magic personality.
She is wonderful.
And you've been very happy with Bob, so that's good.
He's wonderful.
- You couldn't have done better. - No.
There have been a few times, you'll admit...
you did call me in an emergency and I had to come bail you out.
I know.
Two major fights with Bob, and...
one disgusting lump that turned out to be benign...
though you were in a panic.
You were there for me.
And you for me.
And I appreciate it.
I think we've been better friends...
than husband and wife.
Yeah, we probably have.
But nobody made me laugh the way you did.
I love Bob with all my heart, it isn't that.
It's just that you could always push that button in me.
So why is that so important?
I don't know.
Maybe we're crazy.
That girl that dumped you today, did she make you laugh?
I don't know.
I have to put that...
behind.
Funny how life goes.
It's amazing. Amazing.
Let's go. It's late.
It's definitely late.
Christmas Eve, and late.
Let's go.
Everyone says 'I love you...'
the cop on the corner and the burglar too.
Christmas Eve in Paris.
What a year!
And that sort of brings us to the end of our story.
I told Skylar someone should write it up as a movie.
She said 'Better be a musical, or no one will believe it.'
By the way...
that night I met a terrific guy.
I mean, talk about sexy!